PTSD sucks! And it's not just veterans returning from war that deal with it. PTSD is a mental health condition that is triggered by a terrifying event. Hurricane, floods, earthquake, tornado, and fire can have multiple victims. But it can happen to a single person, like rape, physical, emotional or sexual abuse or even death of a love one. Here in California we have witnessed devastating wildfires and you probably know someone that was affected by the fires. So how do you know if someone has PTSD and how can you help?
Symptoms:
- Intrusive thoughts such as repeated, involuntary memories; distressing dreams; or flashbacks of the traumatic event. Flashbacks may be so vivid that people feel they are re-living the traumatic experience or seeing it before their eyes.
- Avoiding reminders of the traumatic event may include avoiding people, places, activities, objects and situations that bring on distressing memories. People may try to avoid remembering or thinking about the traumatic event. They may resist talking about what happened or how they feel about it.
- Negative thoughts and feelings may include ongoing and distorted beliefs about oneself or others (e.g., “I am bad,” “No one can be trusted”); ongoing fear, horror, anger, guilt or shame; much less interest in activities previously enjoyed; or feeling detached or estranged from others.
- Arousal and reactive symptoms may include being irritable and having angry outbursts; behaving recklessly or in a self-destructive way; being easily startled; or having problems concentrating or sleeping. (American Psychiatric Association on line 2019)
Often depression is a large part of this order. Telling the person to cheer up doesn't help. Don't tell them how strong they are or will become from this. Don't tell them that God has a plan or God will help them get through this. Don't patronize or pity them, it only makes them angry.
Here are a few things that can help:
- I believe you. (This is the most important).
- I’m here for you.
- What can I do to help?
- I know that you don’t want to live your life in what feels like a constant and never ending state of pain and misery and I know that you ARE trying hard enough to get through it the best you can with what you’ve got.
- What happened to you was never your fault.
- What happened to you, should never have happened and you did not deserve that.
- I admire you so much for the way you are dealing with it.
- I am proud of you/your courage/strength.
- If you need me for any reason, please don’t hesitate to reach out to me; I am and always will be here for you, to the best of my abilities.
- You are not weak or bad or wrong, you didn’t deserve this and you could not have stopped it.
- Thank you for surviving.
- I’m sorry they hurt you.
- You’re a good person.
- If you need to talk, I’ll listen.
- I want you to feel good and safe.
- How can I help you feel safe?
- You are loved and cherished.
- It’s okay to be hurt and angry, these feelings don’t make you a bad person.
- I won’t preach forgiveness at you.
- What you are experiencing is real. I believe you. And I believe in you.
- Your uncontrolled emotional breakdowns were not because you were a selfish, but because you were in an indescribable pain.
- I’m proud/impressed with the progress you’ve made (maybe give examples).
- Just tell me what you need and I will understand.
- You are not alone, no matter how much it feels like it.
- We will make it through this together.
- I’m so sorry those things were done to you.
- Its not your fault.
- It is not your shame.
- I love you and I wish I could take your pain away.
- (Medium online magazine 2019)
It's hard watching someone you love go through the challenges of PTSD. It's doubly hard if you are suffering from it and trying to help someone else as well. If this is the case remember to be kind to yourself. Reach out to others. Connect with others who are also dealing with this double burden.
Remember it is not your fault and you are not alone. You are loved.
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